50 for 50: 2016

YEAR: 2016

AGE: Turned 46 on Nov. 6

LOCATION: SLC, Ramona Avenue

CUBS' RECORD: 103-58

SONGS I LIKED: "Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE; "Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd; "Adventure of a Lifetime" by Coldplay

TV SHOWS I WATCHED: "This Is Us"; "Stranger Things"; "Designated Survivor"

MOVIES I SAW: "Captain America: Civil War"; "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"; "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story"; "Finding Dory"

CONCERT I EXPERIENCED: Violent Femmes

Over the course of a lifetime, everyone experiences years that aren't as great as the others. Or maybe, they have years with wild swings from positive to negative, over and over. We don't necessarily wish those years never happened, but instead, wish that maybe the bad times weren't so dominantly bad.

I went through such a year in 2016.

To start 2016, work was stressing me out, resulting in the worst insomnia of my life. I would fall alseep, but 15 minutes later, my brain would turn itself back on. 

Thankfully, and with the help of an understanding boss, my job requirements changed and I figured out the stress. A big weight lifted off my shoulders, and I finally looked forward to work again instead of dreading every morning.

Right before that happened in early May, Lori's business partner at work was killed in a car accident. She had moved away from compliance and partnered with a financial agent, basically organizing his successful but disorganized book. And, he and Lori were good friends. His death was a shock and left Lori stuck in limbo with the agency she'd been working for since we moved to Salt Lake City.

Three weeks later, my friend Tom from high school died suddenly of a heart attack. He was golfing, hit a perfect drive, then collapsed as he walked to his ball. 

That summer, though somewhat stressful for Lori, was busy and often fun. We went to Las Vegas for a basketball tournament, then drove back to the Midwest for the first time. Along the way, we stopped at Devil's Tower and Mount Rushmore; in Wisconsin, we hung out with Lori's family and had a blast at an indoor waterpark; and enjoyed a couple days on Lake Michigan (in Michigan) with my stepmom's family. 

In early November, the Cubs won the World Series! They needed all seven games and scared me to no end -- but they did it. When they clinched the National League pennant, I felt a twinge of sadness that Tom didn't survive to see the Cubs play in the World Series. When they actually won it all, I was just ecstatic. Ben and I walked outside and sang "Go Cubs Go" to the neighborhood.

A few days later, Donald Trump won the presidential election and ruined Indian food for me. Lori had picked up dinner at a fast casual Indian restaurant, and as the night started to go sour, the curry just churned in my stomach. I'm not sure I'll try it again ...

I didn't blog for the last two months after my birthday, after the election. I'm not sure why -- maybe I was just tired. Or maybe I just had enough of 2016. Ups and downs. Good times and bad. An emotional crazy carnival ride (like the Zipper) in which you are spinning, ascending, descending, and inverting, all at the same time.

Tom's death especially hit my high school friends and me hard. Here's someone our age who's always been there and, then, one day, he's gone. My friend John called me that Saturday and didn't know how to explain to me other than to say, "Tom was golfing, he had a heart attack, and well, he's dead." The funeral itself was sad, but the wake, after initially being surreal (I saw a track teammate from high school and my brain was so fried, I called him a completely different name ...), turned into all of Tom's friends drinking in the parking lot and reminiscing.

After the funeral, we all hung out at Tom's sister's backyard, and it was almost like therapy. All the tears we cried at the funeral were gone. We were still in shock and not sure how much fun we should have, but we didn't mope. At one point, the skies opened up and a massive thunderstorm unleashed its fury on the group of us trying to keep the canopy tent from blowing over. Tom's brother came through and declared, "This is Tom saying you aren't drinking enough." That wasn't a joke so much as it was something Tom perfectly would be telling us from the afterlife.

Over the years, so many people come in and out of your life. Some you had a connection with, maybe in grade school or college or a job, only to lose touch (social media has eliminated some of this uncertainty, but not all). 

Some ghost you or you ghost. 

Some you remember just by face or name but never quite knew, and it's just by random chance their memory sneaks out of your brain for a moment, than disappear just as quickly and randomly. 

Some were never meant to be part of your life beyond the short time they interacted with you, such as the time Michael, age 2, and another boy met and spent an hour having a blast with at a playground when we were visiting Minnesota. In that moment, they were all about each other, and didn't realize the moment would end and they would never interact again.

Some you never meet.

Tom died and was not only lost to this world, but also lost to our worlds. Of all the people I've known who've died, somehow, Tom dying was different in a way I can't explain.

So all those random and non-random people that drift through life or brush against the periphery fall into some level of insignificance, never to be found again. And in a way, that's sad -- and feels sadder when someone you didn't want to go disappears, too. I write this and want to go find a few of those people. The toddler from Michael's playground fun fest -- now a teenager like Michael is -- is lost forever. The friend from 20 years ago who isn't on Facebook ... maybe not.

Tom's death pulled me closer to the rest of the high school group that I didn't communicate with as often. For four-plus years, we've had a running text message going, and I hope it continues for at least a few more decades.

Of course, 2016 ended, and 2017 was better. When a challenging year comes along (and for so many people, 2020 is qualifying), you don't forget it, but you don't rush to revisit the sucky parts of it. I went back and read my posts from that year -- good days and bad -- and, frankly, I'm exhausted. 

At least the Cubs won ...