The 43

The smoke is back, and it sucks. Summer is going out with a bit of a whimper, as being outside doesn't even feel appealing. That said, I'm not in a hurry for it to end. The last five days have been uneventful -- and over the weekend, that wasn't a bad thing. I skipped going to the pool because it just seemed like work and I didn't feel like lying out in the haze. Michael and I went up to a video game store in Layton on Saturday, right after Lori and I went to lunch in the Chinatown Supermarket complex in South Salt Lake. (There isn't a real Chinatown here but a kind of shopping center of Asian businesses that we're just now discovering.) I'm still antsy and anxious about work. I'm hoping the long weekend ahead helps. My goal is to try enjoying these last days of summer without exerting too much effort.

Following each of my first two years of college, I returned to Chicago and spent the summer at home. I worked full-time doing custodial and maintenance work for a small suburban school district, helping clean the schools and prepare them for the next term. When I wasn't working, I hung out with my high school friends, partied on the weekends, watched MTV, played a lot of Nintendo, and both eagerly looked forward to returning to school and wishing the summer wouldn't zip by so quickly. "You should be drinking more, Joe, instead of taking pictures of us!" By the spring of 1991, I was already working at one of Milwaukee's daily newspapers part-time. The  lease for my next apartment would begin June 1, and I wasn't particularly excited about trying to find someone to sublet my spot. The decision was easy: I would stay in Milwaukee for the summer and not go home. As I think about it, college students get only three summers (maybe four if you were on the five-year

The first three workdays of the week have been so busy, and I find myself not being able to adequately wind down. And I'm still not totally at peace with something, which is probably amplifying the lack of wind-down. I entered this evening in a bad mood (after Monday and Tuesday were good days) and then discovered the fantasy football draft started an hour earlier than what the email had told me (damn ESPN didn't account for the time change). That said, the weather has been nice, although we have some lightning tonight and I think we might get some rain. And yesterday, Michael and I did a quick jaunt to a used video game store where I found a copy of Pitfall -- lacking a label, but the store gave it to me for free because both of us bought games.  Maybe running in the morning will help my mood. Some thunder just rumbled as I sit outside, and the rain is starting to fall but it's not sure if it wants to pour or subside. The patter is soothing, though.

The last week went fast and was ridiculously busy. Work was crazy for a number of reasons, so much so that around Wednesday I forgot how annoyed I was with things. A two-day deluge soaked Salt Lake City on Wednesday and Thursday, relegating me to work inside, which didn't brighten my outlook much (although we really needed the rain). When I haven't been working, I've been watching movies, from the John Wick trilogy to "Bonfire of the Vanities" to a Bee Gees documentary to a doc on the making of "Galaxy Quest." I didn't walk the dog too far this past week, though the rain (which returned Saturday) was part of the reason for that. I also need to start running again and am debating if I should wait until my replacement Fitbit arrives (the screen on mine popped off but it was still under warranty). The weekend went way too fast again but it didn't feel wasted, even though it wasn't too active. We bought Ben a bicycle at a yard sale that we'll

Not surprisingly, this weekend went by too fast without seemingly too much to show for it. Lori and I did big Costco yesterday in advance of the school year starting Monday. We managed to not spend as much as we thought we might, and getting the trip out of the way gave us the rest of Saturday. But we were tired. I completed the weekend shopping at Walmart and Macey's, then came home lounged in the hot sun in the backyard for a couple hours, For dinner, I grilled burgers, then took the dog on a short walk. A huge wildfire broke out in Parely's Canyon, and the smoke hung thick over the Salt Lake Valley on Sunday. I stayed inside most of the day and worked a few hours to get a jump on the week. Popcorn got only a short walk tonight. And, oh, I'm still seething. Maybe a good night of sleep will help.

The weather today got hotter, and my mood didn't improve much. I'm frankly not too optimistic about the weekend, but at least it's the weekend. I did avoid news sources all day, which I'm calling a positive. I finished up work and lounged inside while listening to Nine Inch Nails, Megadeth, Metallica, and anything else that could feed my relaxed rage (but no Rage Against the Machine ...). We had decided not to go the boys' school's football game, which between the heat and the fact the team lost 40-0, was a smart move. Lori made pizza, which was delicious, and I took the dog on a long walk.  I think I need to lounge by a pool this weekend. I might not cool down, but at least I can cool off.

In March 2015, Ben and I saw Bob Seger in concert. Less than a week had passed after my grandmother died, and the show was on a Friday night when my sister Megan was visiting, and then my dad and stepmom were in town. Michael's club basketball team won its league the next day. I was about two months into my new job after freelancing for the company for two years beforehand. "Against the Wind" is my favorite Bob Seger song, going way back to when I was a kid. That month, I wrote about how it resonated with me. It came up on a playlist tonight, and that lyric that I made the title of this post really slammed into my brain.  Today wasn't great. I won't get into details, but I smacked up into the tug-of-war of everything I've achieved and every goal that I haven't come close to accomplishing. I was reminded of the years rolling past as well as all that is great with my life. I struggle with the conflict among what's been earned, what's deserved, and w

I didn't sleep well last night, and then work turned out to be one discouraging surprise after another. The weather was nice, though, and I worked outside most of the day.  Lori made homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner, and I let myself get sucked into the second part of "Finding Neverland." That didn't exactly help get my mind off the discouragement, and neither did the long walk with Popcorn when I finally got off the couch. I'm debating whether I'll write some more tonight or go to bed and try to get out for an early run in the morning. I think I do need a news embargo -- the pandemic and stupid people are killing my optimism. At least tomorrow is Friday.

The joy of the yearly work retreat is tempered by the knowledge that work will be busy after it's over. This year, it crushed me. To be fair, it crushed many of my coworkers, too. Before I knew it, two weeks had passed, I had spent several nights (and a couple weekend days) trying to get things done I couldn't during the course of a normal workday, and I was exhausted. This was not how I wanted the second half of summer to begin. However, the last three days have been nice. I took these days as PTO with the hopes that we could get in a couple more adventures before the boys start school Monday. Unfortunately, Lori has been swamped with her job and Michael is trying to get as many lifeguarding hours in before school resumes. So, mostly just Ben and I could be adventurous. On Monday, Ben got his permit, and I took him to practice for an hour at the nearby high school's range course and a church parking lot. In the afternoon, Michael, Ben, and I drove to IKEA -- Michael wanted