The months of Michael
Soon after Michael was born, nearly 19 years ago, I reflected on how this little human would grow up and leave some day, after all we were set to do for him in the subsequent years. But I knew that time was far off -- and to illustrate that for myself, I computed how many months we would have with him before he left for college. The number was gaudy, up above 220, and a nice reminder that I shouldn't fret the impending passage of time because this wide tableau of parenting this wondrous creation loomed ahead.
So much is running through my brain as the move-in date approaches. First, I can't begin to describe how impressed and proud I am of Michael. I've always felt that way, but it really hit home at his high school graduation. He finished with high honors, earned acceptance into the University of Utah, and was a successful athlete along the way. And, he did it mostly by himself. Yes, we provided help and guidance as needed, and I'm sure we nagged him occasionally to get work done, but for the most part, he was the master of his achievements. This parenting reality is so interesting: We are hyper involved in their learning when children are younger, then nearly disconnected they are high schoolers. Maybe I should have asked more often, "What did you learn today?" but I might not have gotten great answers because it was all part of the process with him -- the same way it was when I was in high school. My point is, the independence he's about to experience has been building and being nurtured for a long time. And that's his accomplishment much more than it is Lori's and mine.
Second, I'm so excited for him as he jumps into this new adventure. I can't help but remember what starting college was like for me, 34 years ago. Although he talks about getting an apartment as a sophomore (the U. has a severe on-campus housing shortage; Michael was lucky to get a dorm room this year), even if he moves back home for the remainder of his college years, just living on his own this freshman year will be an experience I'm glad he will have and hopefully enjoy. He's pretty psyched about it -- he has a single and has been planning all summer how to organize and furnish his room.
Third, yes, I can't believe he's moving out soon. I'm not sure how it will feel not having him around every day. This day was inevitable, and it's the great, bittersweet reality of parenting -- we do so much for our children for 18 years only to have them leave us, those little shits. That said, I'm not feeling as if I missed Michael's entire childhood -- I think I treasured it and didn't take it for granted. Sure, I wish I could have done more, but those are the exceptions rather than the overarching theme. Yes, it went too fast, but it was never meant to go slowly. I wasn't a spectator all those years, and being Michael's and Ben's father has been fulfilled me beyond any expectations I had going in.
Finally, I'm a little nervous for Michael. He's a smart, moral, organized, hard-working human, but there are no guarantees when you set out on your own. Some of the most diligent, careful kids get to college and encounter difficulties -- things they weren't expecting to simple bad luck, and everything in between -- that derail them. Each student handles the adjustment in their own way, and it's hubris for me to not recognize that Michael could do everything right yet still struggle. I mostly hope he seeks help when he needs it, that no problem is too big that it can't be solved, and that we'll always be here for him.
For more than a decade now, I've imagined sending my sons to school with the song "I'll Be Waiting" by Michael Franti to express that they can always come to Lori and me with anything that's overwhelming them. The lyric:
Whenever you call me, whenever you need me
Wherever you wander until you see me
I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting for you
For you, for you, for you
One other thing: As long as Michael is nearby but not living at home, I won't chain the back door. If he needs to return, for any reason, for any length of time, he can come home and get inside. The months aren't over -- they're just counting up instead of down..
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