Coronavirus Chronicles: Closure

Ben graduated from the Open Classroom nearly two weeks ago, and his last official day of school was a week ago. Granted, he hadn't been in the school in nearly three months, but after weeks of online learning, presenting his eighth-grade project virtually, and a nice video graduation, the end nonetheless arrived.

We were proud, and whether graduation was live in the OC gym or virtual, of course we would be joyful and sad. After 11 years in this community -- and with co-oping and committees and the friends we've made along the way, it really has been a community -- the end for us was never going to be easy.

However, I still don't feel closure. The last 10 weeks of school should have been our chance to say goodbye after so many years. I would have co-oped one more time. I would have walked the halls one more time, and popped in the Michael's first classroom. I would have thanked the teachers and strolled the courtyard. I would have taken it all in ... and then say goodbye.

The 11 years went so fast, which I knew would happen and had been dreading it for some time now. I'm shocked how quickly the time went. We blinked, and that first co-op shift in 2009 became a farewell and two boys who soon will make Lori and me empty-nesters.

Because of the pandemic, we didn't get a chance to mourn and celebrate our time here. It just ended.

Surprisingly, the lack of closure what I'm struggling with the most -- and not the fact that I have a second high schooler and that in four years we'll have two kids in college. These moments pass, and we try so hard to cling to them, to appreciate them, to formulate memories, and to move on. The pandemic kicked us out the door instead of letting us leave on our terms. I'm struggling so much to process that.

People have lost so much during this crisis -- much more than our family has. People have died, became seriously ill, lost their livelihoods, and lost their way. In comparison, the special moments and the memories we and others have been robbed of don't match up.

Yet, that loss, however necessary, still hurts. It's an extra slap in the face to the fact that the last decade has zipped by, and that the joy of watching the boys grow up is also the pain of them not being little.

I've bummed myself out even more now. Let's at least make some memories this summer -- and not let it zip by.


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